| Chiropractic means "done by hand", which you will understand if you have ever watched adult films. Like a good bottle of whiskey, you feel great, then you feel bad, then you cry and do it all over again. As you skim through our step-by-step course, you will be amazed how easy it is to brainwash people into rejecting all the important medical discoveries of our time, such as germ theory, bacteria and viruses, and into putting their lives in the hands of a cult invented by a power crazy fishmonger turned magnetic-healer decades before the discovery of penicillin. We will show you how to focus on the erogenous zones to create an atmosphere of brief, awkward intimacy that will leave the patient feeling confused and violated yet somehow hungry for more. Soon they will be coming back to you again and again, chasing that bone-crunching high.
WARNING: From time to time, chiropractic neck manipulation will cause a stroke but just think how happy these patients will be when half their body is permanently relaxed and they can slur their words without worrying if people think they are drunk. Imagine a job where you can legitimately knee a head-locked pensioner in the coccyx and go to work on a naked toddler with a spring-loaded hammer! Why spend seven years on a medical degree, when you can throw on a white coat and start introducing yourself as 'Doctor' at dinner parties tomorrow! Launch a new career in chiropractic for just $99! Or your money back! | |
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